If you'd like to become a penpal to someone in Vermont or New Hampshire, you can sign up on this form here! But please read the guidelines below first.
How to Write Your Letters:
- Be gentle with your new penpal, and mindful that prison is often a very traumatic place. You are entering someone’s life in what might be a very tough time for them. People undergoing trauma aren’t always able to “be their best selves,” so giving this person a judgement-free space is crucial. The best thing you can do for a penpal is to be someone who thinks they’re a good person no matter what they’ve done. A strong connection with your penpal might take a while to build and the first few letters might feel uncomfortable but the most important thing is just to write to them consistently, patiently, with an open and honest mind.
- DOC officers read all incoming mail. Do not use words like “escape” or “smuggle” because the DOC officer reading the incoming mail might misinterpret this as code. Do not ask for or disclose information about you, your penpal, or anyone else's criminal activity. Don’t write anything you wouldn’t say in front of a cop.
- Be aware of the power dynamic you inevitably will have over your penpal. Invite them to set boundaries with you! Your penpal lives in a system that strips them of their agency and independence, so offer them ways to have agency in their relationship with you: remind them that they never have to answer a question you ask if it makes them uncomfortable, that they can tell you to stop writing them and you’ll respect that, and tell them that you want them to know you’ll listen to them without anger if they tell you that something you wrote upsets them. Try not to assume anything about your penpal that they do not explicitly tell you. Do not speak down to, discriminate against, shame, or condescend your penpal. Whenever possible, be as affirming as you can.
- Do not ask why they're in prison, and do not look your penpal up on the internet unless your penpal initiates that request (which might happen, as your penpal might want to test you or get their skeletons out in the open to make sure you won’t abandon them later if you find out). BUT don’t ask what they did, don't ask if you can google them, and understand that they might be very worried about you thinking poorly of them for any reason. Again, think of the power dynamic—your penpal cannot look you up and get more information about you beyond what you choose to share with them, so let them choose what you learn about them, and when.
- Write back consistently and be transparent if you know you’ll be unable to write for a while such as if you’re going out of town. Be clear about how often you can write from your very first letter and let them know if you need to take a break from writing so that you aren't leaving your penpal wondering what's happened to you, or feeling abandoned.
- Be transparent about what you want from (and can offer to) your penpal. Being clear with your intentions and boundaries helps both you and the person inside feel more comfortable and open with engaging. There may be some letters that feel flirtatious. If you are okay with this, keep writing them! Remember that you
have more power in this relationship; be respectful of your penpal's
boundaries and communicate your intentions clearly and honestly. If you don't feel comfortable with anything that feels flirtatious, please respond respectfully and firmly to your penpal letting them know you'd rather stay platonic. Your penpal might also have significantly less money than you, and/or access to resources. Be respectful and sensitive of this. If you have the means, you may wish to offer to order stamps and envelopes for your penpal so they don't have to worry about whether they can afford to communicate with you. As with any friendship, you will need to communicate clearly, openly, and honestly with your penpal.
- If for any reason you can no longer write to your penpal or if anything comes up that you'd like support with, please email us at letterbyletternhvt@gmail.com.
Things to Think About:
Why do I want to write to someone in prison?
It’s okay if you don’t know this answer for sure, but take the time to ask yourself what your motivations are. Regardless of how you see the world, in order to build a relationship with someone and in order to grow together you gotta meet them where they're at and be patient if at first you don't understand them.
What is my capacity?
The power dynamic between you and someone stuck inside prison is stark. You might mean a whole lot more to someone than you can imagine. Time passes more slowly on the inside, and a week or two of silence beyond the time you promised to write feels like a long time to someone who has no way of knowing whether you stopped writing because you’re mad at them, because something bad happened to you, or because you just got busy. Writing to your penpal doesn’t have to be an intense time commitment; letters can be as long or as short as you want them and you can and should write only as often as you’re comfortable. But, you must be honest from the beginning about how often you think you will be able to write and let them know if you have to take time off from writing. Just be honest!
How might I deal with hearing about the prison system?
Those of us who have not had to engage with the prison system up until now may have a hard time hearing about the experience of navigating it. Find people to support you! These can be other people with prison penpals as well as anyone you trust in your life.
Am I anxious about giving my address to a new penpal?
Many of us feel nervous about sharing personal information with brand new people in our lives, which is quite reasonable. There is, however, extra stigma around sharing information with incarcerated people. In general, we encourage people to use their home address and to question whether hesitation to share your address is coming from the same stigma that the prison industrial complex uses to dehumanize and thus legitimize violence against people incarcerated. If you really aren’t comfortable sharing your home address with your penpal, that's OK! There are many other options for you and this shouldn’t be a barrier. You could get yourself a PO Box to receive your penpal letters, you can also use JPay or Jmail to send email correspondence, or you can use another penpal program to find a penpal from a far away state.
Why be a penpal?
Here's some testimony from a few of us and some of our friends who have penpals about their experience writing to someone incarcerated, and what this relationship means to them:
My penpal and I met through a mutual friend over three years ago, and in that time she has changed my life. She is funny and kind, honest and brilliant. We write each other at least once a week and never run out of words. She gives the best advice, lets me know when things I write make her laugh, and embraces our differences. From her I have learned that the most powerful thing you can do for a friend is to love them for being exactly who they are.
The DOC is VERY PICKY about what you can and can't send in the mail, and how you have to send it. To avoid your mail getting confiscated or sent back, here's some do's and dont's:
DO:
- Use plain white or lined paper and type or write with black ink.
- Number each page out of the total. Ex: 1/3, 2/3, 3/3
- Use a plain white envelope.
- Put your return address on the envelope AND put it on the first page of your letter, because inmates don’t always get to keep the envelope.
- Format your envelope address like this:
Legal First Name Legal Last Name #Number
Cell/ Bunk Location (if given after the number)
Facility Name
PO Box #
City, State Zip
DO NOT:
- Do not include envelopes, stamps, staples, paper clips, or blank paper inside your letter.
Each state has specific rules about what you can and cannot send in the mail regarding books, pictures, drawings, photographs, and cards. We found these rules online, but your penpal is probably the best source of information on what you can and can't send to them.
New Hampshire:
- There is a 10 page limit on letters
- Greeting cards, postcards, or unusually thick paper (think construction paper) are not allowed
- Newspaper articles, internet printing, and photocopies, with following requirements:
- They do not violate any other standard
- They are no larger than standard letter size
- They are not altered in any way
- Books or magazine subscriptions can be sent directly from recognized mail order companies or publishers, with following requirements:
- The receipt must be included in the package (or it will be returned to sender)
- Book size cannot exceed 9x12
inches
- The package weight does not exceed the 15 pound limit
Vermont:
- Folks may correspond electronically through JPay, which are emails for the price of a stamp
- As long as you meet all other mail regulations, you can include school work, newsletters, progress reports, photos, or drawings, with following requirements:
- You cannot send colored copies from computer printers or copy machines
- Photos must be actual prints from a photo kiosk
- Books, newspapers, or magazine subscriptions can be sent directly from recognized publishers or commercial distributors, with following requirements:
- Books must be soft cover
- The publication isn’t listed on the DOC’s disapproved publication list
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